Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
