Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well I just put wine in my tea
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
