The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
