I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
