Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
