Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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