Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
