I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
