he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
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You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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