winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Randomize
