I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize