My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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