i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
