i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
