I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
