i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
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Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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