I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
