Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
