I accidentally had phone sex last night
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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