Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
