then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
