Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
