the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
