It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
