Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
