Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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