when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
