Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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