so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
