Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
