I think i peed on brittanys purse
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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