she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
