can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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