the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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