yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
FUCK WHALES
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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