I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
