you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
