wrigley field is MILF paradise
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
