Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
