I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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