Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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