Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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