jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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