You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
