I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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