tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
