I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Every concussion has its silver lining
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
