my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
