I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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