I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm passing your future prison.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
