I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize