With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize