I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
