new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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