True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
