It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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