girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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