We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
