he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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