I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
