she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
