The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
