I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
